Does Read = Write?

Stumbled upon this book by accident, called SHANGHAI BABY by Wei Hui, a mainland woman writer from China and I am hooked. My only problem with reading is that I could not seem to finish a book in one go, or most of the time, I left it unfinished. How shameful I am to compare myself with my hubby, a person who loves book very dearly and will never get tired of reading them. If I were to keep track of the books he had read so far, I would probably go insane by now, and I dream of becoming a writer myself, how pathetic this is. I believe writing has to be with passion and feeling, and it has to be felt, most of all, has to be real to yourself. Wei Hui seems to have that sort of talent with words. They are as beautiful as the fingers touching the fragrants of ink flowing from within and they stay in your mind and linger on your subconscience. Subtitly and crudeness do not always look good when they come hand in hand, but it does for this woman. I am amazed by the truthfulness in her storytelling. No wonder it was banned and burnt in China. Provocativeness *is there such a word* in a woman is as rare as a gem stone falling from the sky raining vanilla. I am determined to take this book till the end.

Mixed Emotions

It has been quite a ride. Someone close to the family of my sister had passed away recently, almost too sudden. I can imagine how hectic it has been for her. My condolensces. My brother just got registered and I have been bogged down with work that seemed never ending. I somehow can't seem to see where I am heading with this. To continue or not to, after all has been done, is one big question I have yet to find the answer to. It feels like an invisible hand holding me down, weighing me down with so much expectations. That aside, I have to thank those who remembered my birthday, even June from Germany sent her well wishes in a card that arrived quite some time ago. But, anyhow, it feels good to be back home again, though this is only for a brief moment. Life is definitely fillled with choices to be made. At times, you could not seem to decide whether to go with what you really love to do and suffer the consequences of the lack of financial stability that comes along with it or to just do what is secured and seemingly a path that had been laid perfectly for you, something that is expected out of you and you would look like a fool for not accepting such an offer. I'll just put this aside for now for what I need most at this moment is - my beauty sleep!

Brother's Big Day

Today is the day to celebrate, a day to rejoice in the coming together of two special people in our family - the registration day of my younger brother, Kenny to Lynn. It was only yesterday that me and my brother played combat made-believed games in the presumably huge (for we were kids back then, everything comes in big proportion) compound of our old house, chasing each other around and today, he is already a grown up married man. Time really flies in this life time. I sincerely wish you all the best and hey, welcome to the club!

A Drive Down (Up) Memory Lane

A very rare occasion it was indeed where a last minute decision was made to hitch a ride with my parents in their car to travel up north last week. They were heading to Taiping (my birth place) for the annual cheng beng (homage to the ancestors) and I was to SP for my usual work these days. On the way, we slipped into a stream of conversations about life and death for a close relative of ours was then admitted to the hospital and was in critical condition. Among his multiple complexities was water found in his lungs - a critical condition that I was in when I was only 4 months old, recounted my father in a serious tone. My mom said they were worried sick and were in and out of hospital countless times to take care of me, while my great grand mother was at home babysitting my healthy twin sister. Tubes and more tubes were all over my fragile and seemingly small naked body. Every other day, I had to be injected with antibiotics to keep me going. Both my arms were patches of blues and blacks and some areas were even swollen due to those injections. My father almost broke into tears recalling those grueling moments of my struggle to stay alive. He said I have reached heavens door and passed it by. I knew exactly how shattered my parents must have felt then for I am now a parent myself. The pain of witnessing your own child suffers in sickness or excruciating pain is the ultimate nightmare of any parent. It feels like the cut of a knife through your flesh and bone. The pain is in total silence and it echoes deep within oneself and some may even be haunted by such traumas for the rest of their lives. After more than two months of pain and agony, I managed to pull through such a big ordeal for a tiny baby. I have no recollection of this particular incident except for a small mark on my chest to remind me of my painful journey. Being the "weaker" twins has not affected my life a single bit. My twin sister and I grew up like any other girls back in a small town called Kota Bharu. We had heaps of fun for as far as I could remember, teachers and friends would always get mixed up for we looked so alike, dressed in identical dresses and shirts that they could hardly tell us apart. Can you imagine how happy it is for a child to grow up sharing the same things in life, having double the fun in everything we do? It was awesome. Of course, this fun unique "identical" element we share gradually wears off as we grow older. But the good old memories remain. To my twin sister, happy belated birthday to you too!