Change Me/ Wang Leehom

A change is an evolution of the new self, a new approach, a new sound, a new kind of soulful voice, a fresh perspective into things. Change is always something interesting. I once heard of the saying, the very truth of nature is the law of impermanence. Change is inevitable, it pushes one out of its comfort zone. The one thing that is unchanged is change itself, in life. Two of my favourite songs from this new Leehom album are Saturday Midnight and Fallen Leave (Luo Ye Gui Gen). Saturday midnight delivers a sense of nostalgia, one single midnight where you are bored to your wits, a sleepless night when your mind is suddenly flooded with old memories, ancient pain that gradually seeps into the night and straight into your heart. It echoes a certain sense of sadness that is hard to utter with simple words. It has to be felt. It is those moments when you would probably recall a lost love, you shed a few tears for your young and naive foolishness, no one could replace such a space of solitude, at that point in time. The song speaks just that. Fallen Leave on the other hand overflows with the abundance of the influence of old Chinese - very cultural, very rooted in the love for a family member. It brings back the feeling of the very first time you leave HOME, taking on a long and lonely journey for the very first time in your entire growing up life. The violin undertone is very hypnotic, filled with the intensity of a very different kind of love, a very universal love. While listening to this song, I closed my eyes and all I could see are the images of myself taking those long night buses journey back home, from Penang to Kelantan, sitting alone by the window, starring out into the night. The moon, almost always overhanging above a vast land of padi fields...all those images just flashed me by, very swiftly but surely. Those were the good old memories. Am I home already, I wonder? Definitely an album worth spending time listening to!

The Universe of Eternal Love

The Fountain (2006)
Directed and screenplay by: Darren Aronofsky
Starring Hugh Jackman and Rachel Reisz
Director of photography: Matthew Libatique
Production Designer: James Chinlund
Edited by Jay Rabinowitz
Visual Effects Designed by: Dan Schrecker and Jeremy Dawson
Music by Clint Mansell

Costume Designer: Renee April

A promise to love someone for your entire life is a promise that fades with time or does it not fade because of the sheer determined energy of the mind and memory? Love is an obsession that poisons the soul and mind. It makes you believe that you could perform the most impossible. Yet, it is the very inspiration that lifts our passion and desire to live and continue living the lives that we lead. Love gives hope, love forms meaning. How could one love another with such rooted determination, I wonder? We give in to the illusion of the notion of eternal love. We truly believe that it does exist and it could transcend space and time. When death whispers into the ears of our loved one, we are suddenly crushed by this very illusion. Tommy (Hugh Jackman) is someone who believes that he could save his wife (Rachel Reisz) from imminent death. This surreal yet poignant film about love and the very philosophy of eternal love weaves together different dimensions of our mind and how it affects the way we see this very fragile world. Very symbolically portrayed, beautifully shot and magnificently illustrated, love is something attainable, yet the most difficult to sustain or even owned. What Tommy could hold onto essentially, is the fragmented image of Izzy's past, and her last moments of truth, facing death, with utmost dignity and courage. I simply adores the art direction, the story within the story way of how the film is structured, edited and manipulated, very intentionally done by Darren Aronofsky, but with the willingness of the participation from an active audience. We are constantly charmed by the haunting yet hypnotic music that almost spells the tragic notes of so called undying love. The film bleeds the heaviness of the human heart, it smells the scent of sweet pain. It weighs you down with so much emotions yet you don't feel a trace of fatique in the mind. Why is love so painful?? The Buddhist approach is to walk the middle path, to love with compassion, not obsession. Could this be done, so effortlessly? I believe real love hurts. Love is simply loving the art of love.

Nada Sou Sou

Nada Sou Sou (2006), Japanese

Directed by Nobuhiro Doi, starring Satoshi Tsumabuki, Masami Nagasawa

I have seen Satoshi in the Japanese food drama called Queen of Lunch Time, quite a lovable character, I would say. I saw Masami's performance in Crying Out Loud From the Center of The Earth, a very innocent and moving performance. To watch the two of them together in this Japanese romantic drama breaths new life into this small film called Nada Sou Sou (Tears For You). The chemistry between the two seems just right for their parts. Satoshi plays Yotaro, who gains a step-sister, Kaoru, at the age of eight and since then has been harbouring this unspoken love towards his half sister, but subconsciously, tries to deny or suppress his feelings towards her. To me, the intercut between the past and the present has always been one of the biggest attractions of Japanese films, apart from their great sense of melody and choice of music for films. Somehow, it plays out perfectly in a story like this one. The subtlety of the relationship between the two is beautifully portrayed through fine acting from both. You can't help but feel devastated by the circumstances that they have to face, growing up. It makes you wonder how could we possibly define such love, as intimate as theirs, when love comes in the most unexpected ways. I am sure no matter how hard you try to hold back those tears, you will somehow succumb to the feelings that the film evoke on you...trust me. A film not to be missed.

More Than Meets The Eyes

Though I never grew up watching Transformers, but one can't help but being intrigued by those robots that could talk like humans, can we?! Watching Transformers come to live on big screen is definitely one hell of an experience for me. Even though I may not be a big fan but the film is heart pumping enough to kick me into the right gear. I love Bumblebee. I love the upgraded version of this yellow machine! Of course, who could forget Optimus Prime? His voice is so commanding that I have to raise my hat to Peter Cullen for lending such a powerful voice to this amazing character. Shia LaBeouf is pretty good here as well. Great action sequences, especially some slow motion effects and camera work. The CGI of all the autobots and decepticons was so unbelievably realistic that it adds more dimensions to the entire film. Overall, it was definitely one of the best action films I have seen so far, this year (not that I have seen many till now...)

Aidan in polka dot pants

It's been a while since I put any pictures of Ryan and Aidan. Co-incidentally, I found this in one of my folders. This was taken when Ryan and Aidan first went to day care two months ago - one of the days when he wee wee on his pants and the teacher gave him this polka dot pants to wear instead! I told him I must definitely have this picture taken, and he happily agreed to post for me! Looking back, Aidan has grown so much! Time flies when life is filled with so many things going on at the same time.

The Beauty of Being Alone

Music full blast + the void of human interaction + vastness of the mind = the best recipe for being alone. The sense of being alone does not necessarily equate loneliness. I am a specimen of conflict elements by nature. I love the company of people, yet, I adore the spaces of solitude in between the hustle bustle of life. Night comes in such an inviting manner now that it is hard for me to resist or even refuse. Music speaks louder than any other spoken languages I can possibly comprehend, yet, it lulls you with the sweetest and most silent attraction that it can almost kill. Suddenly, the soft textures of my keyboard become extraordinarily soothing and comfortable, on this very singled out night, a night without any distractions from the outside world. The only thing that separates me and this lethargic physic yet over working mind is the endless words that try just too hard to make sense to me. Now, they do make sense to me, yet, they somehow lack depth and meaning. I don’t seem to feel them, like how I would always feel whenever I write. Is something missing? Maybe it’s this room – 0910, or maybe it is the bedside lights which seem to have a mind of their own...or could it be that I just write out of the fact that I just want to write, not because I am inspired to write? Or could it be the curtains are all pulled together? Maybe I should just pull them back and take a good look at the KL night scene from this wide window? What a bunch of excuses! Why have you failed me, words? Or was it my mind? Darn. Stop now! Let this music take over this body and this retarded brain of mine for now.

V for Vincy

Writing in front of my table lamp, listening to music was something of a lost image, a long forgotten ritual for me, but not this early Saturday morning. Fueled by her voice, Vincy, she brought me to places that I had missed so often - one particular place where I could just click away, without much reservations and worries, no second guessing myself, no self censorship and what so ever, just thoughts, thoughts that flow in me. Good music does just that. She has a very clean and crystal clear voice, I love that - her simplicity. It is so grounded. This is definitely the place to be - RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT IN TIME...enjoying the night. Everything seems to fall into place. Fall far behind are the worries of daily struggles with deadlines, schedules, work, what comes right into the foreground are more immediate issues like reflections, concentration, refining the creative thought process, those that I hold close and dear to myself. Like what she just sang, loving the air that I breathe, feeling that one feeling that you hinge on, whenever you need to write, that is what I called sterilized inspiration.

New Addition to the Liew Family

This definitely calls for a post, though I am extremely occupied with preparations for work at the moment. My Kenny bro just became a father. Baby Jeremy was born last Thursday, 10th May around noon, weighing at 3.13KG. Not bad at all. He looks more like the mother. Am sure my brother is thrilled. When we visited them last night, Ryan and Aidan were mesmerized by the fact that how tiny this little baby is. They have never seen such a small thing in their lives so far, at least, not up close like this. Aidan kept going on and on about his tiny little head, fingers, hands, and body. I told him, you were once like that. He smiled in disbelief. Time really flies. I almost forgot how it feels like holding such a small bundle in my own arms. Welcome to the club, man! Will update with a photo once it's available.

Who Am I To Be Brilliant?

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure

It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us

We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant?"

Actually, who are you NOT to be?

You are a child of God

Your playing small doesn't serve the world

There's nothing enlightened about shrinking

So that other people don't feel insecure around you

We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us

It is not just in some of us, it's in everyone

And as we let our light shine

We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same

As we are liberated from our own fear

Our presence automatically liberates others

Inaugural speech: Nelson Mandela (1994)

The Absence of Words, The Presence of Thoughts

It has been almost two weeks, close to 15 days that I have not been writing. I have been reading instead. Planning for things to come together in work seems to be the priority for me these days. It has been quite a learning process - learning it the hard way, as well as the fun and mind blowing sort of manner. I have never expected taking a different approach to certain things in life can be that rewarding and intriguing. Some things present themselves in quite a unique way that I would not have seem to be able to comprehend before but now, they seem to be able to work their way into my system of thoughts very freely. Now, I do believe what we focus on expand...I only wish I could speed things up a little more. But then again, the universe has its own course to take and I can only try my best to work towards making sure to let it manifests itself when the right time comes along.