A Fresh New Friday

Ryan turns 10 today. 10 years is most definitely a milestone. What have I accomplished for the past 10 years? Gave birth to two lovely sons, established our own business of film and television, getting to know myself better along the way, among other ups and downs in life. I am still on this journey, a journey I truly believe is never-ending. There is always something new to be discovered each passing day, like a day like this one. I accidentally realized how to do certain things better, how to tweak this blog of mine into something new and refreshing, an improved version. I guess it's a tradition, to make a small little change to my blog every year. I am very pleased indeed, for I now believe, and have always been, there is always new things to be learnt, to be discovered, to be treasured and great memories to be remembered. My feelings now? Truly ABOVE and BEYOND! Happy Happy birthday, my dear Ryan. Love always and forever, your mommy:)

Morning Wisdom

When Aidan woke up this morning, the first thing he said to me was, "Reality has become real". I was surprised by his statement. When I asked him again later today what he meant, he said he doesn't know...and he asked me back, "Can reality be real one-ah?" I had no clear answer to that question. I really wonder what was going through his mind this morning, when he said those words? Was he dreaming of something "real" right before those few minutes he woke up? What made him utter those words?? I am still puzzled by it. Maybe a child's mind is as elusive as the drawings that they make?

The Little Keen Observer

The best part of being a kid is having an acute sense of adventure and curiosity. You could almost ask an adult (in this case, it is usually the parents) any questions you like, or anything that flashes across your mind. The childhood I remembered was playing with my twin sister, later on with my two younger brothers, running around the huge lawn around our house (now seemed so small since the last time I went back for a short visit), going tuition, taking swimming lessons, piano lessons, and eventually playing tennis and so much more. Don't remember myself being a very talkative person. Looking at my two boys now, they do talk and ask a lot, which is a good thing, to us. Just the other day, coming out from a restaurant, Aidan pointed at the tree and asked me to look. "Mama, see...so many birds up at the tree...come on, take a picture of the tree-lah!" Well, I did. Most of the time, I hardly make an effort to take a moment off and take a glimpse of what's up there in the sky, but kids would notice such little little things which seemed so ordinary to us, but in their little eyes, are simple life pleasures, things that could excite them. I wish the child in me would always be refreshed by my two sons curiosity and inquisitive minds. The good thing about the boys is that they love to have fun, like what Aidan did here one afternoon in the kitchen. Sometimes, the headaches that they bring along melt away instantly whenever you have moments like this. Life is almost always more meaningful, from the eyes of a little kid. At times, I do miss being a kid...

Even though we don't really celebrate Christmas but I guess it is one of the favourite occasions, apart from Chinese New Year. The mood it brings during this time of the year is almost magical and inspirational, with all the decorations, lights, Christmas trees, carols, stage performances all around the shopping malls in town. This is also one of the best time to go shopping! We love to bring the boys out to join in the fun. This year, it is extra special for we get to meet my grandmother who comes all the way from KB, as well as a get together with my uncle and auntie who are flying in from the States. A time to count the blessings and have a joyous time.

A friend from afar

Don't know why. I suddenly missed my friend who just got back from Canada and now has flown back there. Could be we have not met for such a long time. We used to share an apartment together, she left for Canada for supposedly a holiday that December, but surprised all of us by getting married and settled down there right after. That was more than eight years ago, but I could still remember the little stunt that she pulled then. Two weeks ago, she came back with her two sons. They were so cute! Kids who grow up from a different environment are quite different in terms of their thought process and gestures, but when both of them got together with Ryan and Aidan, basically, all boys are the same, they share some common interests. I was glad that they were not shy boys and warmed up to new friends pretty easily. I barely had time to talk to my friend for we had to rush off to the clinic as Ryan was down with a pretty bad rash all over his body. Nonetheless, am glad we met, after all.

The Possibilities Of Imagination

Aidan and Ryan has been busy toying with their drawing skills. I could see their creative juice is gradually flowing in them. Here are some of the sketches they have come up with on the PC. The imaginative mind of a child is amazingly powerful and expressive. It speaks softly to you, yet it spells a great degree of sensibility. Their innocent perspectives towards everyday things around them, at times, intrigue and remind us that we used to have this same quality in us. But then, it was such a long time ago, as if we have left it all locked up in a treasure closet, awaiting to be released any moment. They draw without reservations, without any caution, without prejudice and judgement. Ryan has his own version of batman, while Aidan sees a waiter serving a customer, and another man sitting down drinking his coffee. What do you see in these drawings?

A Surprise From Netherlands

To be reunited with a friend of more than 30 years is something for we have not seen each other for almost 15 years, since we graduated from high school. My friend, June and her small family came all the way from Netherlands. It was her trip back home. We were fortunate enough to meet up this time around. This is also the first time I was introduced to her son, Jian Carlo. He was fast asleep in the hotel room when I arrived, but I also had a chance to meet Peter, her husband. The coming week was a lovely one, especially for Ryan and Aidan for they found a new friend to splash water with in the pool. We also met up that weekend at Penang (It was a co-incident that we were heading up north during that time). What for, one might think? FOOD, of course! We had a great time and I hope that my friend enjoyed our company as much as we have enjoyed having them around! Hope we meet again the next time you come home to Malaysia - June, Peter and Jian Carlo!

Agents, Actions & Consequences

Time flies. I felt it was only yesterday that Patrick and myself have attended his cousin, Justin Lim's solo arts exhibition titled MOMENTUM last September, and there we were, last Thursday, at TAKSU yet again, for his latest exhibition, AGENTS, ACTIONS & CONSEQUENCES (I love the title already). That night, we had two extra young arts "enthusiasts" tagging along - Ryan and Aidan. They seemed to be very intrigued by the paintings. Ryan loved the finger food while Aidan loved having me taking pictures of him by the paintings. Aidan even went to the extend of taking the booklet and went around the gallery to find and identify which painting is featured from the booklet! I could hardly concentrate on the series this time around, due to the distractions of them going in and out of toilet for whatever businesses that they were busy doing! Nonetheless, I managed to catch up with Justin himself, very briefly and also with a dear old friend, Sidney, who is also an artist himself. The most rewarding experience for the boys, I guess would be having Justin personally signed their booklets. My most favourite piece is Marathon. The Parachutes theme really hits me for they seem to draw me in completely with those floating parachutes in the air, as well as the very obvious naked butts staring right back at me, as an observer - pretty cool, I must admit. As we were leaving, the rain started to kick in (I faintly remembered it rained the last time as well) and it seems to secretly tell me that next year's rain will bring me back to his exhibition once again...

Aidan in polka dot pants

It's been a while since I put any pictures of Ryan and Aidan. Co-incidentally, I found this in one of my folders. This was taken when Ryan and Aidan first went to day care two months ago - one of the days when he wee wee on his pants and the teacher gave him this polka dot pants to wear instead! I told him I must definitely have this picture taken, and he happily agreed to post for me! Looking back, Aidan has grown so much! Time flies when life is filled with so many things going on at the same time.

A Day In A Fishing Village

Just 45 minutes away from the ever growing small town of Sungai Petani, Kedah, lies a world out of this world. A world that is fast depleting in its Chinese root as well as economic social standing in its primal source of economy - the fishing industry. A fish farm is located far in the middle of the ocean, right in the heart of this tiny fishing village called Tanjong Dawai, a small town which made up of mostly fishermen and their families, a small main street, one famous Chinese seafood restaurant and an Archaeological Museum called Lembah Bujang. This was my second trip to the fish farm. My first visit was more than five years ago, while I was still pregnant with Ryan back then! I have always loved the notion of a long wooden jetty, stretches right into the horizon of an open sea. I don't know why. It just seems to mesmerize me, as if inviting me to run along and just jump right into the ocean and simply swim away. We arrived at the small wooden jetty early in the morning and we were immediately greeted by Uncle Huat, his wife and son. We hopped onto their boat and what greeted us were the captivating fresh air, the open ocean, the crushing waves on the boat and fishing boats and fish factories along the coastline. Of course, last but not least, the glorious rising sun on this beautiful Saturday morning and its sparkling reflections in the water. We were there to actually reccee the place for it will be the location where we would base our feature film in, if it does come true. Once we reached the fish farm, everything there seems to take on a whole new different meaning and perspectives. One could almost feel the constant wind blowing in the air, the squeaking sound of the wooden fish farm whenever the waves come in, and a wide open horizon of sea water, more water and other fish farms nearby. All these melt into one single word that simply spells serenity, away from the hustle bustle of the usual KL life. A place where one could simply take a nap and not having to think of anything else. But of course, it is not the case for Uncle Huat and his family, who basically runs the fish farm here. Their work include checking the fishing net for holes, checking the fish, when the fish food comes, they need to clean them, sort them, grind them into smaller chunks and later on feed them to the fishes here. It is truly hard labour and time consuming kind of work. We took a lunch break back in the main town and took more pictures of the fishing village itself. Later, we went back to the fish farm in the afternoon and that was when most bulk of the work was done. Looking at them, it made me somehow realize that life is truly an amazing one. What we do can be as diverse as rearing fish and making films, but at the end of the day, all we strive to achieve is ultimately the same - to put meals on the table. We had the most heartiest and freshest (of course, most delicious) seafood dinner we have ever had for a very long time. Suddenly, writing this in my blog or any other scripts and writings that I have to do seem less "heavy" after this inspiring trip. Nature and human existence truly have their way of delivering their intended dose of booster when I needed it the most. Definitely a trip worth revisiting again and again...

The Papa Cook

When the kids were in SP recently, apart from busy watching Flushed Away, The Invincible Ironman and HellBoy the animated series, they were also intrigued by one software we have in the PC downstairs - PAINT. They have been playing around with it so many times that now they are hooked on it. This was what Ryan came up with last night. He imagined the father being the cook and all, partly also due to the fact that we watch Travel and Living channel's cooking shows very often. They love Jamie Oliver and Nigella's shows a great deal. My hubby adores Made to Order and me? Almost all the cooking shows! It's amazing to see how well these cooking programmes are being done compared to the ones we have locally.

When I got my camera back...

When we were at Canon office to pick up our camera on Monday, the first test picture I took was Ryan, with his small booklet, given to all school children at school. He loves this one because the illustrations are quite hilarious. I asked him why this pose and he said he wants to hide his face behind his comic. Later in the day, when Ryan went to school and Aidan was with me, he woke up and wanted me to take a picture of him instead. So, this is the picture I took of him, with one of his (and Ryan's) favourite toys and hero action figures - ultramen! Both of them, incidentally had almost the similar poses, though taken at different times. How delightful, I thought. They do miss one another these days since Ryan started his standard one for both of them go to school at different time of the day. Growing up means taking up more responsibilities now...

A trip to the past

After almost 8 hours of drive, what passed us by were granite caves, vast green padi fields, small kampong houses and later on, a familiar small town of Kota Bharu re-emerged. It is as if all those memories of where I grew up all came flooding into my head all at once. I was immediately excited at the prospect of exploring again. Meeting grandma gave me much relief as I could see that she is still very strong and alert - almost looked like how I had remembered her when I was very young. Left home for so many years, this time back home was mainly to celebrate her 80th birthday. I was determined to rediscover the whole town, to rekindle my memories of this place that is alien to some. Meeting old friends, sight seeing, visiting the temples, the beach, the infamous market, watching the people, living the lives that they have been living really amazed me. I became a tourist in my hometown, as if visiting for the very first time. I have long pulled myself away. I felt I did not belong here anymore every time I headed home during the semester break. This time, apart from having built some new buildings here and there, everything else looked and felt the same. I felt as though this place is in a hypnotic state, and I had fallen into a trance. I took a sip from a glass of the past, poured from the bottle of history. It tasted a strange combination of bitter sweet. My biggest reward of the trip was that I met up with my old English tuition teacher and my old neighbour and school friends. All of them remained unscarred by the passage of time. They hardly aged much and exude the same simplicity and warmth. They glowed with certain contentment. I was only glad that I had made this trip back home for it made me realize where I truly belong – to treasure my past and to embrace the future of a hustle bustle city life where I now called home.

The Two Superheroes

Patrick's Cousin, Justin came over to our place for a visit the other day, after his Australia trip. He brought along a small present each for the two boys - a superman blue t-shirt. It made them so excited that both Ryan and Aidan decided to put them on to sleep that night. Since then, they have grown attached to it. Such a simple gift, yet it brings so much joy to the boys. Ryan and Aidan are very much into movies and entertainment. I guess we influenced them a great deal. In fact, they loved the animation, Flushed Away a lot. Ryan said that it is better than Open Season. I didn't watch that one, so I don't really know (the grand parents took them there). But I am glad that they are growing up enjoying their time spent with us, the family and with each other.

Picture Perfect Sunset

Sometimes you will be amazed by how beautiful mother nature can be. I was there at that point in time and got the boys out to our front porch to take a glimpse of this little surprise. We would normally be in the house during that time of the day, but that evening, I just happened to walk out for a minute and there it was, this fantastic sight caught my eyes right away. It was truly breathtaking. No wonder they called it the "magic hour". The clouds looked like small fluffy white cotton balls which hung right out from the purple tinted orange sky, and it seemed to taste like pink sugar candy floss on a stick! Really spectacular but it only lasted for a while and disappeared into the night...

Twins?

We often had people coming to us and asked if Ryan and Aidan are twins. I would always so "no" with a smile for how could it be possible? They are 2 years apart and they have quite different personality each. Ryan has a milder temper, gentle and kind in nature. He is also quite sensitive where else Aidan is tougher, more stubborn and pretty manipulative and mischievous by nature. Of course, they do share some similarities like their love for drawing, cartoons, cars, gaming and the rest. But see how similar they can be when they are asleep? Their afternoon nap at home.

Fun Fun Fun

Fun is never enough in a playful family

No matter what we do in life, there is always the split moment that we could have fun. Without this simple ingredient in the mixture of life itself, it would seem all so bland and tasteless. Good thing about fun is that it can be found and created very easily and effortlessly, anytime, anywhere. At home, in class, at a playground. It's really up to us to capture that moment in time. As a parent, I would like to think that my two boys are at least, happily growing up, for we strive to give them the best that we could. It may not be material comfort at times, but at least, our precious time to spend a little more time with them. Both Ryan and Aidan are really active kids. There seems to be no single moment of quietness in them (except when they are asleep) . They are inquisitive, creative, artistic. They love music, movies, cartoons (obviously), drawings, running around with toy cars and guns and all the things that boys would do. Though we want them to enjoy growing up, we do want them to equally concentrate on their studies and work. As parents, we are constantly learning and observing them to make sure that we are always available for them, physically and emotionally. Gosh! Come to think of it, there is still a long way to go. Ryan's school had a Talent Competition recently where he and the rest of the kids in school are required to join in the fun through drawing, quiz and singing contest. Look, here's a picture of him with his drawing. Of course, you can see Aidan beside him, as always, he wouldn't want to miss out on anything that the older brother is doing!

A Bouquet of Love

Being a mother is like shouldering the world's brightest sun shine and the heaviest rain for as long as it takes. The love and dedication in a mother's responsibilities to her child is as intangible as the cool breeze after a stormy december night downpour. It hits your face with tingling sensations. The serenity it brings is so fresh that it could intoxicate your whole mind yet the risk of catching a cold is as inevitable. Raising a child comes in a total package - you have the laughters and you have your fair share of heartaches and frustrations, at times. Not many could understand what it takes to be one, until you are actually a mother yourself. I could still remember how tough in spirit my mother was when we were growing up as kids back in Kelantan. Though we are not a mischievous bunch of four but I am sure, she must have had some hard times with us as well. Now, a mother to two cheeky boys myself, I realized how strong a woman has to be, to juggle life and still have the best of both worlds. At times, I look into the mirror and the split image of two women's faces merged as one in PERSONA pops right in front of me! They seem so identical to one another yet so different in so many ways. We take up so much roles in this life time that changing masks (persona) is almost a task that is unavoidable. But, at least, at the end of the day, we have to be able to still remember who we really are, in front of our child. Let me dedicate this bouquet of love to my dearest mum and just want to say, "I Love You, Mum" and thanks for everything.

A Drive Down (Up) Memory Lane

A very rare occasion it was indeed where a last minute decision was made to hitch a ride with my parents in their car to travel up north last week. They were heading to Taiping (my birth place) for the annual cheng beng (homage to the ancestors) and I was to SP for my usual work these days. On the way, we slipped into a stream of conversations about life and death for a close relative of ours was then admitted to the hospital and was in critical condition. Among his multiple complexities was water found in his lungs - a critical condition that I was in when I was only 4 months old, recounted my father in a serious tone. My mom said they were worried sick and were in and out of hospital countless times to take care of me, while my great grand mother was at home babysitting my healthy twin sister. Tubes and more tubes were all over my fragile and seemingly small naked body. Every other day, I had to be injected with antibiotics to keep me going. Both my arms were patches of blues and blacks and some areas were even swollen due to those injections. My father almost broke into tears recalling those grueling moments of my struggle to stay alive. He said I have reached heavens door and passed it by. I knew exactly how shattered my parents must have felt then for I am now a parent myself. The pain of witnessing your own child suffers in sickness or excruciating pain is the ultimate nightmare of any parent. It feels like the cut of a knife through your flesh and bone. The pain is in total silence and it echoes deep within oneself and some may even be haunted by such traumas for the rest of their lives. After more than two months of pain and agony, I managed to pull through such a big ordeal for a tiny baby. I have no recollection of this particular incident except for a small mark on my chest to remind me of my painful journey. Being the "weaker" twins has not affected my life a single bit. My twin sister and I grew up like any other girls back in a small town called Kota Bharu. We had heaps of fun for as far as I could remember, teachers and friends would always get mixed up for we looked so alike, dressed in identical dresses and shirts that they could hardly tell us apart. Can you imagine how happy it is for a child to grow up sharing the same things in life, having double the fun in everything we do? It was awesome. Of course, this fun unique "identical" element we share gradually wears off as we grow older. But the good old memories remain. To my twin sister, happy belated birthday to you too!

The Most Perfect Sunset

A journey not to be forgotten. One of the most rewarding experiences from all the Kedah trip so far was the most recent one. Together with my father-in-law and some of his friends, we took a ride out of SP town one bright and hot afternoon. Passing endless padi fields on both side of the road to arrive at a small village, we finally stopped right at a small jetty by the river. Apparently, we were supposed to see a yacht owned by a fella from Germany but we only managed to catch a glimpse of it from where we were standing. I was not much interested in looking at that but to walk over to the planks and right up till the end of the jetty to look at the fishing boats dotting the river bank and see how the water is. That whole feeling reminded me so much of a trip I once had while I was still studying in Penang. That fishing village is called Muka Head, but is more famously known as "The End of The World". It is situated right at the end of all those fancy hotels saturated the coastal line of the infamous Batu Feringgi Beach and this place gives you the serenity you could only dream of, and the view to the wide open sea it offers is priceless. I have always loved a long stretch of planks trailing off into the sea for I would imagine myself satisfying my crazy urge of simply running as fast as I can down the planks and just leap into the cold icy water of the sea, plunging myself into the whole eternity between the heaviness of sanity and the weightlessness of the imaginative mind. That must be fantastic!

After a while, we left the place and headed to the nearest town called Tanjung Dawai. It is also a fishing village but a more populated one. Here, we stopped and ate the heartiest seafood dinner I have ever eaten in my entire life (even better than Bukit Tambun, in some ways). After a heavy meal, I strolled to the nearest jetty (a concrete one) and was in time to catch the sunset...to my amazement, I could only watched in awe and silence as I glued my eyes right on the fiery red planet over the sky and a few fishing boats happened to draw near the horizon. That moment in time when a fishing boat crisscrossed with the descending sun over the sea was indeed a single moment that I could only wish that I had a camera with me to capture the whole beauty of it all...it is the feeling of blissfulness that one could hardly come by these days. It is the simplicity of life itself that one often fail to cherish when we tend to live life on a faster lane. I know, I am one.

That was, for me, one hell of a sunset! When the sun finally disappeared into the horizon, my moment in time has also passed me by, but at least, I thought to myself, I was there.