Sunday, August 06, 2006

Love Is A Painful Thing

CLEAN (2oo4)
Directed by Olivier Assayas
Starring Maggie Cheung, Nick Nolte


Falling in love with a man and having a child is two completely different kind of love in this world. I wasn't too sure I could be a mother when I was pregnant with my first child but I was pretty confident that I could get used to the idea of taking care of a child, of course, with some help from family (an older generation who has gone through a great deal in life and gained enough experience to know almost EVERYTHING one has to know about bringing up a baby). But we all figure things out naturally, don't we? Is love an addiction, like how some can be potentially addicted to a life in the fast lane, with creative juices flowing but has to be fueled by the sensations of drugs? It is a life not hard to imagine and let alone, be translated vividly on screen, with such direct and frank approach to the subject matter. Maggie Cheung to me is one of those rare gems of actress in Asia (apart from Gong Li). As time goes by, she has proven to be a matured and smart actress by being selective in the work that she chose to be involved in and of course, her acting has also evolved along the way (just look at her in Wong Kar Wai's In The Mood For Love). Though she confessed, in her interview that she has not lived a life like how her character Emily in the film had, but after making the film, she could almost understood completely how much pain Emily had gone through to get her life straightened out and stay "clean" so that she could finally get to see her son. That sort of emotional journey is definitely a real one. Motherhood is something so magically beautiful yet weighed down with such enormous chains of responsibilities and commitments that one could barely comprehend if one is still not yet a mother. It is almost like second nature - it is like your own breathing, so precious that you feel you could instantly collapse if something were to happen to your child. You feel as though your life is being sucked right out of your body and rendered you paralyze beyond recognition. When we first came back from Vancouver two years ago, Aidan (my second son) was ill and could not eat and cried all night for more than a week. My emotion was crushed to the bone and was heartbroken to see how much weight he had lost then. But luckily, he got better. I never wanted to feel like that ever again but how could I say no? What the future holds is beyond my control. Sometimes, you feel so helpless but you could only stay strong to face whatever that is coming your way. No wonder in Buddhism, the day we were born into this world, the day we all known as "birthday" is termed Mu Nan Ri (in Mandarin) which literally translated to mean "The Day Your Mother Suffers" (sounds so vulgar). It should be a day when we not only celebrate with candles and cakes and all the nice and sweet things in life, but to also remember the hardships and potentially life threatened danger that our mothers had to endure to bring us into this world. A day when all mothers should be remembered and celebrated together with. All right, enough said about being a mother. Let's talk about the film, CLEAN. I love Maggie's subtle gestures in the film - the way she moves, the way she lights her cigarette, the way she bites her fingers nervously before seeing her son for the first time after such a long time of separation, the way she starts breaking down in front of Nick Nolte, learning that her son refuses to see her...Maggie basically anchors down the role of Emily, the addicted yet determined mother so immaculately that it seemed almost natural for her. She definitely deserves to be awarded Best Actress at the 2004 Cannes Film Festival. Of course, Nick Nolte is such a huge actor and he fits the forgiving and somewhat understanding role of her father-in-law perfectly in the film. Some of my favourite scenes: Maggie bringing her son on a motorbike ride along the busy roads of Paris, Meeting Nick Nolte and expecting to see her son but she broke down and cried for the son didn't want to see her, Finally breaking down in her friend's apartment admitting to the excruciating pain that she was feeling with her life in general. In the end, Emily as a character did get to live the dream that she had always been dreaming of. It symbolizes her final achievements in her roller coaster ride kind of life style after all. It is one hell of a film, a film that will make a dent in your heart and no doubt, it is one of the best films that one could hope for - personal yet deeply resonates a greater message in the mind of anyone, not just mothers. Maggie sings pretty well too!

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